I hate being a burden on my friends. Poor Kris. I know she worries so much. I think she would move in with me if I asked.
Then there is Kandi. Called me last night just to update me about her party. I've known her for over ten years. She heard my voice crack and immediately wanted to know what was going on. I didn't want to talk. I didn't want to open up the flood-gates that's been going on for the last 5 hours. Out of all the years we been friends last night was the first time I heard her cry. She was crying for me and then I was mad at myself. I had to force her to stay home last night also. I know I have friends. Now Jada knows something is wrong....Great. I can't pull nothing over her eyes either. I have damn good friends but that's never been my problem.
I've had these issues for a long time. On and off for years. Just lately they have been more on then off. I'm such a good actress but now my acting skills are getting bad. What I'm going threw has nothing to do with any physical condition, money problems, or men problems. I just don't know but I'm scared.
I'm leaving work early to see my primary doctor. Don't know what she can do but she might refer someone. I already made up my mind that I don't want any meds. We'll see when I get there. I had to call her yesterday and make an urgent appointment. Didn't want to do anything stupid but the urge was to strong.
I have not told my other friends because all they are going to do is worry along with Kandi and Kris. It's too close to the holidays to be down. I have been praying my hardest these last couple of weeks, more then I prayed in the last year.
This too shall pass.
PS this is not a suicide note of any kind. This is me putting my thoughts rather they be good or bad in my personal blog. Please don't anyone go around posting that I need support all over Brave-journal. Even though I think that is a nice gesture and it works for some people, but all it would do is piss me the fuck off.
Happy Holiday!
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Posted by Tessa:
Thanks! 
I worry because I love you but we'll talk more tonight. 
Are you in your twenties?
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